More Flannel!

The following is a scene from a recent FA Meeting held at an undisclosed location. We hear the sound of chairs scraping, people clearing their throats, chatting in low voices. The meeting is called to order. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Leader: "Good evening everyone - we have a new member joining our meeting tonight. Please welcome him to Flannaholics Anonymous."

Everyone: "Welcome."

Leader: "Tell us about yourself - your past and how you came to be here."

Mac: "Uh - where do I start? My name is 'Mac' and I am a flannaholic. I can't believe how good it feels to say that out loud. I guess it all started when I got my first pair of pajamas. They were just cotton and I didn't even like them at first - I only wore them to make my parents happy. Then one day everything changed - it wasn't my fault, Mom just left it laying around and so I thought I would give it a try. I knew it was wrong but it was so warm and comforting and somehow it just felt... right - like an old friend. It was a flannel bathrobe!"

Leader: "It's OK Mac - keep going. We have all been there."

Mac: "Well, things went downhill pretty fast after that - pajamas just didn't do it for me anymore - before long I was mainlining flannel bedsheets and pillow cases. All day long I couldn't wait to get home and feed my need for flannel. And it didn't stop there - one day I tried on a pair of Dad's wool socks and I was hooked. Now I not only had a flannel monkey on my back but I needed a serious wool fix too. Oh God!"

Everyone: "Uh - can we take a break - it's getting kind of warm in here."

Leader: "No - let him finish. He has been through hell and this is a big step for him. Carry on."

Mac: "I tried to kick - I tried some of the synthetic stuff that was going around and even switched to flannelette for a while but I kept going back to the heavy stuff. You know what it's like - once a user always a user. I was out of control! It was like a fever and the only thing to cure me was - more flannel!"

Everyone: "Please stop! This is too painful!"

Mac: "No - let me finish. Eventually I started wearing wool socks and sweaters around the house. I am ashamed to say I convinced my poor innocent wife Julie to start knitting socks to feed my habit. I even bought a wool hat and scarf and recently I have started wearing flannel shirts to work... God help me!"

Leader: "OK Mac - maybe that is enough progress for tonight....."

There is the sound of a scuffle, chairs being knocked over and general chaos ensues. We hear a door being pulled open and with that 'Mac' flees into the cold night. He was found the next morning in bed, barely conscious, wearing flannel pajamas, 2 pairs of wool socks, between flannel sheets and covered by a wool throw rug. He is expected to recover.

* Note - there is hope for 'Mac' and others like him. He has recently been recruited by the Gratuitous Socks Foundation and is turning his life around to help others.