An Open and Shut Case

Case Number: VT 05/04/01/3462

Incident: Gastronomic Incident
Reporting Officer: Constable Meehan
Date of Report: 12 August 2012

At about 1040 hours on 12 August 2012, I received an urgent call from a Mrs. Judith Haynes of 30 Brighton Ct. regarding a suspected domestic incident at her residence. Mrs. Haynes said she returned from church at approx. 1030 hours Sunday morning and noticed a peculiar smell in the house. She smelled smoke and began to panic as she suspected a K-911 (kitchen break-in) had occurred. Upon gaining entry to the scene of the incident I was struck by a strong smell of garlic and onions and some other smell I could not quite recognize. There was a frying pan on the stove with remnants of what appeared to be a strange green material.

I conducted a survey of the scene and found several suspected weapons - a fork, two knives, and a spatula. There were no signs of forced entry into the refrigerator so I knew it was an inside job. I took several photographs of the evidence and then surveyed the rest of the house. That was when I discovered her husband, lying on the couch and unresponsive but with a satisfied smile on his face. There was a plate on the coffee table with a greasy smear of bacon, a few crumbs and the unmistakable remnant of a piece of green tomato. Suddenly I recognized that smell in the kitchen and knew that this would be an open and shut case. After all, my old man had suffered from the same strange addiction. It was the start of the fried green tomato season and I knew we could expect a few more calls of this sort - happens every year.

I obtained a sworn statement from Mrs. Haynes that she would keep an eye on her husband's diet and provided her with the case number and Information Leaflet 99/07 ("Living with a Tomaholic"). I entered the report details into the station database as another seasonal gastronomic incident. Just before heading back to the precinct I made a last minute search of the general vicinity as we had reports of a chicken being held in the area without a permit. I went to the garden shed - slowly opened the door and then quickly shut it again. Like I said - an open and shut case. End of report.