The Argyle Ballroom

How can you tell me how much you miss me,
When the last time I saw you, you wouldn't even kiss me? That rich guy you've been seein', must have put you down. So welcome back baby, to the poor side of town.

Can't you just feel the teenage angst dripping from every line in that song by Johnny Rivers? Can't you just imagine the oh-so-sincere but clumsy embraces between lovesick junior high students as "last dance" is called.... and alas they must part until Monday morning? Ah sweet sweaty youth!

School dances were a very popular activity in my youth and my friends and I attended them almost every weekend. But on the rare weekend there were no dances scheduled we had the next best thing; our very own dance hall. Actually it was just a modest suburban garage but over the years it has grown in legend and has come to be known as The Argyle Ballroom. It was located on Argyle Street (hence the name) and it is still there today - although the music has long since ceased to play. It belonged to a Mr. Ted Haining - a very generous and patient man who let us use his garage as a dance hall on Friday nights and his driveway as a hockey arena on Saturday mornings.

I am not really sure how this arrangement came about, he had no children our age and we were just neighbourhood kids from the block. But on Friday nights the place was ours to dance the night away amidst the old furniture, yard equipment, spare tires and paint cans. I admit it doesn't sound very glamorous, but to a bunch of lovesick 14 year old kids - it was a ballroom indeed.

We played 45's which we carried around on plastic spindles that held about 50 records - sort of like an early low tech Ipod. We played them on an old, cheap mono record player - and never did music sound so sweet, especially the waltzes. Waltzes were the most popular dance at the Argyle Ballroom - particularly in winter, since Mr. Haining's garage was not heated. But we didn't mind; all the more reason to get close to a warm girl - or as close as you could get while wearing winter coats, hats and gloves.

The Argyle Ballroom had a very small and select clientele and there were many who wanted to join us as word got around - mostly other guys. Maybe they wanted in because the boy/girl ratio was usually heavily in favour of the boys. What can I say - me and my buddies were pretty good dancers.... and the garage was very small. The fact that the girls and their parents considered us basically harmless had nothing to do with it!

There was no drinking at the ballroom - unless you count Coke, Dr. Pepper or Fanta orange soda, and the menu was pretty well limited to potato chips and cheezies. But we were there mostly for the atmosphere anyway. The music featured at the ballroom was a pretty standard mix of current dance songs by the Monkees, the Dave Clark 5 and all the other Justin Beibers of the day. We all had our favorite bands and everyone got a turn to play the song of their choice whether it was by The Lovin' Spoonful, the Rolling Stones or The Supremes. Any current Top 40 song would get things off to a good start but as the evening got late it was time to queue up the slow songs like Silhouettes by Herman's Hermits or Distant Shores by Chad and Jeremy. Serious stuff indeed.

But as for those special "last dance" occasions - well those were usually reserved for Mr. Johnny Rivers himself.... and as the man said:

Oh, with you by my side,
This world can't keep us down.
Together we can make it baby,
From the poor side of town.

Part 4 in a Series

JOHN LENNON - ROCK 'N ROLL

Imagine you are at a camp deep in the woods with a couple of your oldest friends; it is late at night, you have had a few beers and need to pick things up a little - this album will do it.

John Lennon usually brings to mind ballads of peace and love enhanced by his talent for superb production values and innovative sound techniques, or maybe even his experimental music inspired by Yoko Ono. He also wrote powerful songs with intensely personal lyrics and full of emotion; almost to the point of baring his soul. But there is another John Lennon - the rock and roller. This recording from 1975 is John Lennon getting back to his roots before he was a Beatle - no political statements or studio innovations, no distortion or looping tapes and overdubs. This is his way of connecting with the past and with the artists who inspired him to make music in the first place.

Lennon does his rendition of many of the rock and roll classics from the 50's and 60's and manages to give them his own special treatment while remaining faithful to the original recordings. There is even some between track chatter adding an impromptu and genuine feel to the recording. "Stand By Me" "Sweet Little Sixteen" and "Peggy Sue" are just a few of the standards covered as Lennon pays tribute to Chuck Berry, Little Richard and Buddy Holly.

Technically speaking, this is not a great album by the usual high standards attributed to an ex-Beatle but the sound is crisp and uncluttered and it is one of my perennial favorites nonetheless. It is an obvious labour of love and that is what makes it so enjoyable and enduring. That and the fact that everyone knows these songs and can sing along or at least clap along to the familiar tunes. My only copy of this recording is on a cassette tape - a medium that is quickly becoming obsolete so you can bet this is on my Itunes wish list. A great album for a singalong around a bonfire by the lake, or to listen to while the burgers are cooking.

This is John Lennon unplugged from all the accumulated musical baggage that comes with fame; this is the student paying tribute to his teachers while having a good old time. There is no political agenda here, no hidden message. Just rock and roll - and I like it.

I rate this album 8 out of 10.

Up Your Vuvuzela!

I just don't get it! World Cup Soccer that is. I am not the most sports minded person in the world but I know excitement when I see it and feel it and sorry folks but I just don't see it or feel it. Hockey has action and fighting and constant stimulation. Admittedly baseball can be slow but the game is built around planning and strategy. Football has lots of flash and instant replays giving the impression of constant action - and they have cheerleaders. Basketball has scores in the triple digits and even golf has the ability to build a sense of tension and drama. But soccer? Like I said - I just don't get it. The net is thirty freakin' feet wide by 10 feet high - why can't they score once in a while? They keep adding minutes to the clock and then half the time they don't even finish the game - hard to tell who the winners and losers are with all those tie scores.
There are more ties in soccer than at a father's day sale at Walmart! And is that a scoreboard they are using (1-0 0-1 1-1 0-0 1-0) or an exercise in binary math?

They say that soccer is immensely popular all over the world because it is so accessible and affordable for anyone to play - that may be true but you could say the same for kick the can and rattling a stick along a picket fence!

Crowd reaction is important to any sporting event too - cheering, clapping, booing and chanting; usually in response to some significant event or point scored. This may be happening at the World Cup but who can tell with all the horn blowing. Do these people wake up in the morning and start blowing on those vuvuzela horns? Stop it!

I know soccer fans are a breed apart and will wait patiently for years for their favorite team to score a goal - sort of like Toronto Maple Leaf fans. But I would like to suggest that this is a sport best viewed live. Preferably armed with a good set of ear plugs and your own vuvuzela - and may the best fan win!

DOG SHIT!

This may seem like an indelicate question but when was the last time you stepped in dog shit? Think about it. It used to be a very common and unpleasant occurrence and was even considered an occupational hazard if you mowed lawns or used public sidewalks. But those days are gone right? Well I thought so too until today when I stepped in dog shit not just once but twice. And it was the same dog shit!

The fact that it was the same dog shit merely adds insult to injury. I thought I smelled something familiar yet foul when I was mowing the lawn but couldn't quite place it - after all, has been a long time since I smelled dog shit. Modern day leash laws and the stoop and scoop movement have made us complacent and desensitized to this once commonplace scourge. Innocently I was on the lookout for some sort of dead animal when I spotted it there in the grass with the unmistakable imprint of someone's sneaker. Then it dawned on me that I was that someone. Case solved.

The world has changed, my friends.... but is it really a safer place? Despite on going safety measures planes still crash, oil spills get bigger and more deadly, and global terrorism is a growing threat. But like you, I truly thought the world had become safe from dog shit... until today; how naive we are as a species. Maybe this is just an isolated incident - I certainly hope so but I will be keeping my eyes down for the next while. I suggest you do the same.

TWENTY DOLLARS

Twenty dollars is a nice amount of money - not too much and not too little. Hardly enough to get you in any kind of trouble but just enough to make a difference in your day. With twenty dollars you can put some gas in the car, have lunch or a take in a movie, maybe even buy a CD or a book and still get some change back. A smoker can buy a pack of smokes, a drinker can buy a six pack and a teetotaler can buy some... tea. When I withdraw some cash from the ATM at our bank I have my favorite withdrawal set to $20.00 because to me it is the perfect amount of money.

I like having twenty dollars that is all mine to do with as I please.  I am a family man and I accept that virtually all of the money I make is spoken for well in advance and I don't mind - bills have to be paid. But once in a while it is nice to have some money that is just for me;  and twenty dollars, free and clear just seems to hit the spot. I go to the Fredericton Exhibition every year with a twenty dollar bill in my pocket - it gets me in, buys me a Dippy Dog or two, a drink and some greasy fries while I walk around taking in the sights and the smells for free. I am not tempted to gamble and even if I was - how much could I lose - twenty bucks?

A brand new crisp twenty dollar bill looks and feels good - it has that greenish tint the way money should and it has a picture of the Queen on it. I bet even the Queen could enjoy herself with a twenty - buy a cup of tea and some buns at the local shops, or maybe have a Guinness at the track.

I don't buy lottery tickets but if I did, twenty dollars could win me a million. I think I would take that cheque to the bank and cash it in for a stack of twenties and that would suit me fine. A million dollars can bring a lot of comfort and that is a good thing; but when it comes to happiness, I think I could get along just fine - twenty dollars at a time.

TELEPHONE

 
Remember real telephones? The ones that were black and heavy and were plugged into the wall so you always knew where to find them? They didn't get lost under the couch or in a coat pocket and they didn't need to be recharged - ever. They served one purpose - to make or receive a phone call. They all had the same ring which sounded like this - "♫RING RING♫". And there were two volume settings - loud and louder. Pretty straight forward stuff. They were not an expression of your personal lifestyle, unless your lifestyle was to be functional, useful and reliable. Which now that I think of it, is not such a bad lifestyle to have.

Every house had one phone that actually belonged to the phone company. Everyone shared and waited their turn to use the phone and if it rang when you were not home - nothing happened. A phone was solid and built for comfort rather than style, you could cradle the receiver on your shoulder and file your nails, watch TV, take notes or just doodle - try that with a sleek portable or a slippery little cell phone. Or if you were really angry you could slam a phone down hard to express your outrage - try that with your $200.00 Blackberry.... go ahead, I dare you.

Of course phones were not always for serious use. You could make pretty good prank calls with them (Hello, is this Hector Hogg? Yes? I have a message for you - Oink Oink Snort Chortle) and then hang up real quick. You wouldn't dare do that now, they can track you down with the little chip in your cellphone, an improvement I suspect Mr. Hogg would very much appreciate. You could also do amazing tricks like making your own phone ring - just dial 1234567890. What fun! You could call anyone in the world for free if you called "person to person" and then hung up real fast so no charges were incurred. Imagine the rush of calling up famous movie stars and then hanging up on them! Good times!

But perhaps the greatest thing about real phones is that they were very discouraging for telemarketers - can you imagine dialing hundreds of calls a day like this (the * is the clicking sound of the rotary dial) 1* 5***** 0********** 6****** 4**** 5***** 5***** 1* 6****** 4**** 6****** - obviously it would have been too much bother to bother.

So when you are in a crowd and someone's pants or purse starts vibrating and playing Yankee Doodle - you will forgive my laughter at how silly you all look desperately searching to see if it might be you.  Sorry, but I will have to cut this blog short, there's the phone..... ♫RING RING♫