Wednesday, March 31, 2010

One Ear on the World

I have been listening to the radio for most of my life. There was always a radio on in the house when I was growing up - we woke up to the radio, left for school when the radio told us to and stayed home when the radio said school was canceled. The radio was part of the home - part of the family, it was much like the TV in that it was a common household appliance and everyone had to listen together to the same station. That all changed with the invention of the transistor radio... finally a radio you could take to the beach or to bed with you! I preferred the bed.

The first transistor radios began appearing in the mid-fifties but I didn't get one until probably the fall of 1964. Actually the first radio I owned was the ugliest thing you ever saw. It was made of black and white plastic and was about the size of a toaster and it only picked up one all classical music station which was broadcast locally from the top of Regent St. It ran on batteries and technically speaking it was a transistor radio - but it was about as cool as having an 8 track tape player in your car today.

I received my first cool transistor when my father was away on a rare trip to Montreal. I awoke one Saturday morning to find a genuine leather radio case on the kitchen table - no radio, just the case. Dad said he couldn't find a radio he could afford so the case would have to do for now - and to illustrate how we were raised in those days I was actually thankful and hid my disappointment. We didn't get a lot of presents from Dad personally so I knew enough to appreciate it. I took his word that I would get one eventually.... then of course he brought out the radio itself. Like most fathers, Dad liked to torture.

It was a beauty - not the typical "tiny blue transistor radio" like in the song but slightly larger, and the leather case fit it like a second skin. It also came with an ear phone - for one ear. No one had considered the fact yet that we had two ears so we had to be content listening with one. And they were not very stylish either - they looked just like the ones that old deaf people used. But the leather case had a neat little compartment where you could store the ugly little ear phone and cord - try doing that with an Ipod.

But having your own transistor made the listening experience so private and personal that it didn't matter - you could lie in bed and listen to the radio and no one would know. Late at night was best because you never knew what you might find as you slowly rotated the tuning dial in search of distant American stations, shock talk radio, radio dramas and sometimes when the wind was just right - The Wolfman! I particularly liked the radio dramas and some British comedy game shows that came on late Sunday night.

Of course the transistor soon became outdated with the invention of the Walkman, Discman and ultimately the Ipod. The great thing about these new listening devices is that you can make or download your own content and carry it around with you, listening to full stereo with both ears. Don't get me wrong - they are wonderful and they might come close but they will never replace that special feeling of secretly tuning in to the great unknown in the comfort and safety of your own bed - and falling asleep.... with one ear on the world.

(To be continued)

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Nobituary

Malcolm (Mac) Haynes of Fredericton, New Brunswick awoke suddenly on Saturday morning March 27, 2010 feeling well after a prolonged period of rest. Born in Fredericton on August 2 1952 to Perley and Margaret Haynes, Mac graduated from Fredericton High School and went on to receive his Bachelor of Arts degree in Anthropology in 1976 from the University of New Brunswick.

This qualified him for a career in sales which took him virtually from coast to coast and included a diversity of products ranging from Doodle Art to twine to Omega3 Flax cookies. Always looking for a new challenge he then sought training in the information technology field which in turn led him to the fascinating world of digital imaging where he is presently and happily employed.

A tireless worker, Mac fills his weekend hours delivering hot food to shut-ins as a Meals on Wheels volunteer and can be found greeting worshippers and passing the collection plate at church several times a year.

The nonceased continues to co-survive with his lovely and patient wife Julie - his two fine sons John and Cameron, beloved sisters Jacqui, Judy, Sandra and brother Bob; their partners, spouses and offspring. Never an avid sportsman, he does not particularly care for adventure or travel preferring to stay close to home, perfecting his wine making skills, napping and working on his ever popular blog. Mac enjoys endless home renovations and currently has several half finished projects on the go.

Mac is also involved in several upcoming projects which include power washing his siding, shingling the shed roof and plans are underway for a new kitchen floor and a deck. Mr. Haynes can be found resting at his home at 30 Brighton Ct. almost any evening after 9 PM. No official visitation is planned, however friends and relatives are encouraged to drop by any time - but call first.

In lieu of flowers those wishing to pay their respects are requested to please bring tomato plants.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

My Happy Place.

For me Friday night has always been a night to have fun - ever since I was a kid. Of course the fun has changed significantly over the years and depending on my age and situation, Friday night has meant lying on the floor watching TV, working late, going out to school dances or bar hopping. Lately it means just sitting back with a glass of my homemade wine and listening to some music. I love Friday night.

But I have to say the best fun, fun, fun on Friday night was when I was twelve years old. We had just moved to Fredericton and I had the whole town to explore - all four square blocks! It wasn't long before I discovered Morgan's Variety Store which was more than your average corner store - a lot more. Morgan's bought and sold used comic books. What more needs to be said? Plenty....

Morgan's store was on King Street about where the Tannery is now located. It was a run-down- shoe-string-Mom and Pop operation if there ever was one and I loved it. The Morgan family lived above the store and I came to know them well - daughter Frances and son Alison went to my school and sometimes minded the store. But the person usually found behind the counter was none other than Mr. Morgan himself.

Let me describe Mr. Morgan for you. The word "kindly" always comes to mind when I think of him. To my young eyes he might have been anywhere from 55 to 85 and he always wore a days worth of stubble, a thick sweater and a thin smile. He also wore an old cloth hat and he was the only person I ever met who actually tipped his hat in greeting and meant it. The store was always dimly lit and Mr. Morgan sat behind the counter along with his cat who slept in the penny candy display. They sold mostly bread, milk, pop and a slim selection of groceries and from this the Morgans made a meager but honest living.

But I am getting off topic - I came here to talk about comics. And Morgan's had comics! In the back of the store there were literally thousands of comic books - Archie, Donald Duck, Ritchie Rich, Batman, Spiderman, Little Dot and my personal favorite - Superman! They were stacked around the walls in piles three feet high - and you could peruse to your heart's delight. I loved it back there among those musty stacks of comics - I can still smell them!

Mom and Dad did not object to my comic book habit because I was in my room, quiet and out of trouble – in fact I think Dad was quite fond of Sad Sack so I always made sure to buy one now and then. The comics sold for 5 cents and the best part was that you could trade them back in for 3 cents. Talk about reduce, reuse and recycle - those comics were probably read a hundred times before they finally disintegrated. We never thought of them as valuable but they may well have been. When I think what they might be worth now I could weep. But I am not bitter - those nights spent under the covers reading comic books were worth a million bucks.

On a side note, Mr. Morgan had a brother who ran another store called, what else - Morgan's Store, just a few doors away on the same block and he was as crusty and mean as Mr. Morgan was kindly. We didn’t shop there and he didn’t want us to because he didn't sell comics and the rumour was that he sold home brewed beer. I was happy giving my business to his brother and I wish I could go back in time and buy up all his stock - especially the comic you see at the top of this page. It is Action Comics #1 and it recently sold for $1,000,000.00!

Just think of it - I could sell my copy and live on a sandy beach somewhere with servants to bring me exotic food and drinks - and comic books. Talk about a happy place!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Growing up Without a Helmet

I am not particularly happy with that title but you must admit that it's better than "How My Parents Tried to Kill Me" which was the original title for this blog entry. Hey - there is an awful lot of content out there and a catchy title can make or break you in this business.

Anyway - I got you to read this far so I guess I made the right choice. And now I can tell you that this blog actually is about how my parents tried to kill me. And not just me either, my parents did their level best to wipe all five of us kids off the face of the earth!

I really don't know who was worse - Mom or Dad. Dad was more direct in his approach and went for the quick results while Mom's methods were more slow, subtle and insidious. Sometimes they worked together like the time we were confined to the back seat of the car while they drove us all the way to British Columbia, each of them smoking two packs a day with the windows rolled up! Second hand smoke - hah! This was clearly a coordinated attempt at first hand suffocation by smoke. And just in case we managed to survive by begging for an open window they made sure no one was buckled up as we careened through the Rocky Mountains in the dark of night without power steering, ABS brakes or seat belts!

As I said before, Mom's attempt on our lives was so subtle it went virtually unnoticed until these more enlightened times. It is obvious now that she tried to slowly fry and salt us to death with what we innocently thought were nothing more than tasty meals. When that proved too slow she subjected us to hours of direct sunlight in summer and tried to frost our lungs with cold fresh air in winter. How naive we were as we thought it was merely fun we were having. But was it any safer indoors? No - the house was booby trapped with flammable and explosive bottles of Detol, Lysol and Javex - all within easy reach and exposed to open flame as she blatantly smoked.... indoors. Yes - you read that correctly - indoors. Oh the humanity!

Dad was not as patient as Mom and preferred the direct approach such as Highway Homicide (driving lessons) and Death by Drowning (swimming lessons). The instruction method at Perley's Driving School was basically to take you to the Trans Canada Highway and say something like "OK - start driving" and then begin loudly correcting the mistakes as you made them in the face of oncoming traffic. The swimming lessons consisted of being repeatedly flung into a lake. And I'll be damned if both methods didn't work. My four siblings and I are living proof - swimmers and drivers all.

Well despite their combined efforts we managed to dodge all those traps they set out for us and go on to live healthy and productive lives. I am actually glad we were raised in those treacherous times because we were able to escape the biggest child killers of all. Yes - I am referring to computers and video games. All they would have had to do was sit us in front of a Nintendo or PlayStation and perhaps our generation would not be as numerous as it is today. How ironic that because there were so many of us we were all forced to benefit from the "perils" of the great outdoors - the very place our parents sent us to escape from us. We survived childhood my fellow boomers, I think we can handle old age.

Monday, March 8, 2010

In Praise of (Much) Older Women

Part 2 Me and Miss McKee

Miss McKee was my second "affair" with an older woman but she was not at all like Mrs. Baldwin. In fact she was just the opposite in that she did not have a husband - and moreover, she didn't even have a television. She was very proper and old fashioned - think of Granny in the Bugs Bunny cartoons and you will have a pretty good mental image of Miss Maude McKee. She lived alone in her big old family home on Brunswick Street across from the hospital where I believe her father had been a doctor. So what was our common bond? The answer is old stuff. Mrs. Baldwin may have had the big color TV but Miss McKee had neat old stuff - rooms full of old furniture, shelves full of books and photographs. And in her garage there were old garden tools, glass bottles and even a mummified human arm in a box - way cooler than Gilligan's Island!

So that was the deal. I delivered her paper, mowed her lawn (push mower only) and did a few odd jobs and in return I was allowed to explore her house from top to bottom. It was actually more like a museum - the bedrooms upstairs were still furnished with porcelain wash basins on stands in front of ornate mirrors. In the upstairs hall there was a particular old roll top desk that really fascinated me for some reason - but what would a 13 year old boy do with a desk like that?
Downstairs was the parlour - not a living room or a den - it was a parlour. And that is where Miss McKee received her gentlemen callers. I recall one particular time when I was to bring along some friends because it was her birthday and there was to be a party. There we sat in the parlour on a sunny afternoon looking at her stereopticon picture slides while Miss McKee served up dishes of ice cream and cake. And remember, this was 1966 - not 1866.

Miss McKee was very generous and often said that she intended for me to have the old roll top desk but that was not to be. She did however give me a very old boys adventure book called "Chums" which I still have today and it is one of my favorite possessions. Sadly my "affair" with Miss McKee came to quite an abrupt ending. One day a stranger answered the door and I was told that the paper would no longer be required - Miss McKee was in the hospital. A few weeks later a big truck was in her yard loading up all her antique furniture including the old roll top desk. Miss McKee had passed away and no one told me - after all, I was just the paper boy.

But I still have fond memories of our many visits in the parlour and I often think what a strange pair we were. But the simple fact is that we enjoyed each other's company - and I guess that is not so strange after all, is it?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

In Praise of (Much) Older Women

Part 1 - Me and Mrs. Baldwin

I have a confession to make. I have always been attracted to older women and apparently they have been attracted to me. I freely admit that I have had "affairs" with two older women and I have no regrets.... but once again I think I had better explain. Read on if you will...

When I was a teenager I had a Gleaner route that covered a good portion of the downtown residential area. My customers ranged from your average working class family to a radical UNB professor who was practically run out of town for his political beliefs. I will leave it to you to guess which one always paid his weekly bill on time. These two extremes left a lot of ground in between for customers of many different varieties and that is where the older women came into my life. Mrs. Baldwin was my first.

Mrs. Baldwin and her husband lived on O'dell Avenue in a very large and beautiful older home. I don't know if they had any children but they were what used to be called "elderly" and any offspring may have moved away. I would guess they might have been in their early seventies. I did not deal much with Mr. Baldwin but he was always there when his wife had me over for a visit. You see, me and Mrs. Baldwin were much more than just business associates - we both shared a common bond. And that bond was Gilligan's Island.

Did I mention that Mrs. Baldwin had what was very possibly the first color TV in Fredericton? If not the first then it was very likely one of the first - and most definitely the first one I ever saw. Mrs. Baldwin was a very vivacious and outgoing woman - one of the happiest, nicest older ladies I have ever known. And she was not shy - when she saw my obvious attraction to her television she was not long in asking me over for a date. How could I refuse? So for a brief, happy time every Tuesday night at 8 o'clock sharp we had a regular date to watch Gilligan and his wacky exploits. Mrs. Baldwin loved Gilligan and would scream in sheer delight at even the cheesiest of jokes. It was almost as much fun watching her as the TV.

I think Mrs. Baldwin looked forward to our times together and eventually I was even allowed to bring a friend or two along. We all had a great time being amazed by the bright vivid colors on the screen - even the commercials for Tide detergent were entertaining! But like all good things it had to end. Oh she tried to coax me to stay for My Three Sons but that was getting awfully close to my bedtime and I had home work to do so it was not to be. I have fond memories of those evenings sitting in their beautifully furnished living room with Mrs. Baldwin but there was another, even older woman in my life. Her name was Miss McKee (Miss - not Mrs.) - but that is a story for my next blog.