Death by Dying

My current project at work involves scanning death records from the last century and linking them to an on-line index. As sexy and cutting edge as that may sound, it can become a tad boring at times. So I amuse myself by taking note of names, places and other types of data as the hours crawl by. The data in this case has to do with death and dying.

I do not mean any disrespect for those who died of terrible diseases such as cholera and typhoid in the later part of the last century. And I certainly don't mean to make light of the high rate of infant mortality either - that was very evident and very sad. I was shocked to learn of the surprising number of babies who died from teething and measles!

Many of the reported causes of adult death were unfamiliar names such as "sprue" - which is celiac disease today and "dropsy" which had nothing to do with being clumsy but everything to do with congestive heart disease. "Consumption" was another popular cause of death - it was what they called tuberculosis. "Scarlet Fever" and "La Grippe" sound almost harmless and kind of exotic but they were very deadly and people died within days. These were all terrible ways to die, and what is really sad is how many young people died and how fast they succumbed to their particular illness.

So please forgive me for my insensitivity in pointing out some of the other more amusing causes of death as listed on official death certificates.

Here are some examples:

"diarrhea"
"poisoned by eating phosphorous off matches"
"machinery run down"
"worms"
"gravel"
"sore leg"
"shot in face"
"suddenly"
"worn out"
"don't know"
"brain trouble"
"sickness"
"murder"

Below are listed some of my personal favorites. Remember, these are listed as OFFICIAL causes of death:

"kick of a horse"
"sudden death"
"fell down a well"
"96 years"
"possibly lightning"
"doctor did not say"
"baffled state of physician"

...and the best of all - "husband of Olive Leger"

We certainly are lucky to live in this modern world where measles will not kill you in a matter of days. Many of these terrible diseases have been eradicated but I suspect people will continue to die as they are struck by lightning and fall down wells. I guess the best we can hope for is that most of us will just "run down" and succumb to the number one cause of death in this or any other century - old age.

The Issue of the Tissue

What is up with toilet paper? I ask this because of a job I am doing at work right now which involves the visual inspection of microfilm for the provincial archives. Currently I am doing The Evening Times Globe newspaper from 1965 and I have been taking note of the advertisements for food, clothing, cars and the usual commercial commodities. However what has really caught my attention are the ads for toilet paper - with the good old 2 roll pack standing out in particular.

And this was in the era when the average family unit was 5 to 7 people! I started out working in the grocery business, stocking shelves with toilet paper among other things - and I can assure you that the 2 pack was the standard and indeed the single roll was quite popular too. My question is this - how did we do it?

Stop reading this blog right now - go to your closet and count how many rolls of toilet paper you have on hand. I'll wait... (Jeopardy Theme song)...

OK - I just counted mine and there are 18 rolls. A full 12 pack and the remains of the previous 12 pack and I didn't count partials or check under the vanity of either bathroom so I am guessing a total of 21 rolls minimum. I am willing to bet this is the case in most households. Why are we stockpiling toilet paper?

The world has changed and so has toilet paper. The roll diameter is still the same but they have quilted it and puffed it up so much that we are not getting the value we used to. You now need a degree in advanced math to calculate the square centimeters per sheet times the sheets per roll times the rolls per pack to make an informed purchase. And don't forget the ply factor.

I am not saying we should go back to the days of the using the Sears catalogue or even the one ply commercial grade stuff. But folks - we are "wiping out" entire forests here - doesn't anybody care? I am sure some toilet paper is made of 100% recycled material but think about that for a minute. What are they recycling?

Greenpeace has a lot to say about this topic but their solution is to buy premium priced products made from recycled paper to save the forests. A noble cause but I don't totally agree. This problem must be solved from the bottom up my friend - and the solution is right in your hand. We did it before and we can do it again!

We hear the term consumer demand being used so freely - so go to your local store and demand that they start stocking the good old 2 pack and stop trying to fool us with fluffing, quilting and baby powder. I think that with a little adult potty training we can get behind the issue of the tissue, wipe out waste and get to the bottom of this. It is time to sit down and be counted!

Epilogue - we stopped in to Canadian Tire the other day to buy some camp stove fuel and as we headed down the main aisle I caught Julie eyeballing a huge display of toilet paper - 24 pack! I just kept on walking....

Breakfast

The other night I watched a documentary on Maine public television all about breakfast. Yes it was hot out and I was in the cool basement and nothing else was on but that is not why I watched it. I watched it because I love breakfast. I have been a fan of breakfast for years - starting way back when I lived in Calgary. A good breakfast place needs to serve good food but it also needs a catchy name and Calgary had two of the best - Humpty's Egg Place and Moishe's Posh Deli.

I guess I first started to love breakfast when I was a traveling salesman out west - where the first call of the day was usually breakfast with coffee and a local newspaper. And when you are wide awake at 7 AM in Rocky Mountain House there is nothing else to do except eat breakfast. And in case there is any misunderstanding let me clarify the term "breakfast" for you. It must include eggs, toast and coffee to meet the minimum requirements - however after that the sky is the limit. And the variations are endless - mushrooms, smoked salmon, Spam, kippers, and grits - you name it and I have eaten it. And please don't give me any porridge, fruit plates or bran muffins. Breakfast is breakfast - you can call that other stuff something else.

Julie and I have always loved going out for breakfast - this started way back when our kids were very young and once they were off to school we were off to the nearest coffee shop. We have had many favorite places over the years - Keay's Fruit Market, Boldon's Cafe and even Cora's back when they had the early bird special. Currently our favorite is the Sunshine Diner - still serving a bottomless cup of coffee!

This love of breakfast has lasted until this very day - I still get up and cook breakfast every weekday morning. My specialty is the "Egg Mc" something - usually an egg served on an English muffin with cheese and whatever else we have. On the weekend I might be more adventurous - even cook breakfast outside on the BBQ. This time of year, late summer - I usually have fried green tomatoes at least once. Of course we all know that eating tasty food will slowly kill us - but what a delicious way to go!

Breakfast has actually become one of our favorite holiday traditions and I truly think we look forward more to Christmas breakfast than Christmas dinner. Julie's father always makes Eggs Benedict whenever we get together at Christmas and I am looking forward to that pleasure this year. Other years we have smoked salmon with sliced red onion and capers on Montreal style bagels. And coffee - lots of coffee.

Heaven forbid that I am ever on death row but if I am and they ask for my last meal order here it is: 2 poached eggs - hard, crispy bacon, hash browns, toast and coffee, preferably a bottomless cup and keep it comin'.... take your time, I am in no hurry.

Too Hot!!

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